Shazia Mirza: ‘When I was eight, my mother said, “You are ugly, and ugly girls can’t become actresses”’

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She made her name touring her show The Kardashians Made Me Do It, followed by With Love from St Tropez.

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This year she performs Coconut, which was nominated for best standup tour at the Channel 4 National Comedy awards, at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, 3-28 August.

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Her podcast with John Kampfner is called Pale, Male and Stale, and her television work includes the BBC Two series Pilgrimage. She lives in London.

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I arranged a birthday party for myself when I was seven and didn’t tell my parents.

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All my school friends turned up to the house and my mum told them to go home.

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I had been stealing chocolate and money from the headmaster’s office during breaktime.

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