As "Godfather" origin stories go, "The Offer" is so bad it's criminal

despite being one of cinema's most influential works, I'm not a fan of "The Godfather" – purely for personal reasons, understand.

Never have I questioned its essentiality, and I certainly appreciate the revolutionary cinematic touches Francis Ford Coppola uses to bring the Corleone saga to life. Even so, it has never been one of my central, can't-live-without-it pleasures.

"The Offer," which confuses a baring-it-all origin story with a botched whale flensing, does not substantively change that.

However, it deserves credit for elevating my overall esteem for "The Godfather" in one respect: At no point in all of my viewings of Coppola's epic was I ever moved to scream at random intervals, "OH MY GOD, WHO CARES?"

But it's amazing that "The Offer" series creator Michael Tolkin neglects this all-important facet of this story,

perhaps assuming famous people playing storied producers provides enough gravitational pull to keep viewers interested.